The Beginning

This is a story not many of our Colorado friends know. Almost eight years ago, Chris and I came to Fort Collins on a rainy August weekend. It was one of those random cool summer weekends, not one of Colorado’s marquis “300 days of sunshine.” We flew using Airtran tickets I had won in a raffle, and stayed with a family friend who we had never met. In that weekend, we decided we would carry through with our plans to move to Fort Collins. Jeff, our gracious host, showed us around town (lunch at Avogadro’s Number and of course a stop at the New Belgium brewery) and helped us find a duplex to rent. Then Chris and I took our rental car up the Poudre River for a short hike.

“This is where we can be the people we were meant to be.”

I don’t remember if one of us actually said those words, but that was the sentiment of the weekend. The deal was sealed when we drove back to the airport. It was very early, and the sun was beginning to rise over the plains to our left as we headed down I-25. To our right, the moon was just ducking behind the mountains, which were slowly being illuminated by the sun. It was a magical scene – a typical glorious Colorado morning.

Two weeks later, we packed everything we owned into our cars (plus 8-linear feet we rented in a semi truck). Tiger came along too, to make sure the next 3 days were anything but quiet. We were leaving Georgia just after Hurricane Ivan made landfall, and hoping to get through Alabama and Mississippi before the storms hit. It was Labor Day, 2004. We had been married less than a year, and were ready to create a new and exciting life together. It took 2-1/2 days to get to Colorado. Tiger kept me entertained, after I learned that he was much happier choosing his own fate than locked in his carrier. Sometimes he ended up walking across my lap as I drove, but mostly dozed in the open carrier or on the floor in the backseat. We tried to let him walk around and go to the bathroom at a rest stop in Alabama (with some makeshift leash tied around his neck), but he was pissed to say the least, and I don’t think he peed once the whole trip. Chris was driving his little red truck with a small U-Haul attached to his truck (the bed of which was full with our 4 bikes).

Not many people know that we came to Colorado with no jobs and just a month-to-month lease, in case things didn’t work out. (Although Chris had some job prospects and I planned to apply for grad school once we established residency.) Within 3 weeks of being here, we climbed a fourteener (Harvard) and did a 16 mile “circumnavigation of Mount Wuh.” Chris found a job in his field, doing video production at Media Tech. I helped pay the bills with a housekeeping job at a nursing home (!). Then I got a job at Peleton Cycles – which helped escalate my interest in cycling into a full-fledged addiction J. We started going to a church that advertised free Wednesday night dinners (First Presbyterian), and met other young couples in a Bible study group (Matt and Beth were two of our first Colorado friends). Our Bible study started meeting at the Bean Cycle right after it opened. Eight months after our arrival, I found out I was accepted into the atmospheric science graduate program at CSU. We ended our month-to-month lease and bought a house. I guess the rest is history.

From the beginning we’ve lived in Fort Collins because it feels like it is where we should be, and not because of a job or school. So now the idea of leaving for a job feels kind of wrong, in some ways. When we were deciding where to move, one of the con’s for Fort Collins was that moving to Colorado seemed cliché. But whatever, it worked and became our home. Our lifestyle, our friends, the opportunities we’ve had (work, school, mission trips) – it is so intertwined with where we live. Heck, we even started a family in Colorado, something we never dreamed would happen (we figured we’d only stay a few years). Now Fort Collins feels like home, and it will be hard to leave. I’m writing this as I fly to Urbana-Champaign, Illinois, to consider a post-doc position there. Who knows what will happen next. I hope we can approach the next stage of our lives with the same excitement we had when we packed the cars up and headed west 7-1/2 years ago.

On Nursing

(Note: if reading a whole post about breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable, stop here :)

Before Emmaline was born, I really thought I would hate nursing. My goal was to nurse for 6 months, and then I figured I would be overjoyed to stop. Luckily things were different than I expected. Feeding her has been a privilege, and some of the tenderest moments of the past 6 months have been spent in the glider with her curled up against me. Now I think it is about to stop. I made it 6 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days J.

The thing about nursing is there are two different parts to it. One is actually physically feeding Emmaline, which I’ve enjoyed. Aside from the reasons above, it forced me to sit down and relax every few hours while I was home with her (although I would have rather slept in the middle of the night!). Sometimes I felt very refreshed afterwards. I learned which tv shows were on when Emmaline got hungry, and watched lots of “How I Met Your Mother” and “Friends”. It was also nice when we went out, because I knew that I was all she needed. Now we have to bring bottles and formula and who-knows-what-else.

The not so fun part of nursing was pumping. It is a drag. This is the main reason I’m giving it up. I must say, I am pretty psyched that my life is no longer divided into 3 hour increments. If you figure I was pumping up to 6 times per day sometimes, at least 20 minutes each time – I’ll now have more than 2 hours of new time for myself! Now I can afford to spend more time doing the things I enjoy, like exercising, sleeping, or playing with Emmaline. I will miss my podcasts though, which is how I made it through the work pumping sessions (two college football podcasts – the Dawgcast and Solid Verbal – and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me).

Considering I went back to work after 2 months, I’m pretty pleased to have made it another 4 months of nursing. Emmaline is growing well and is healthy, which is the most important thing. I definitely noticed a decline in milk as soon as I went back to work. It’s interesting how your hormones are all linked, because I also started having my cycle again at that time. Then it fell more right about the time I decided to set a defense date (I guess because of stress?). I started taking fenugreek and drinking more water, and that definitely helped. I also took over the nighttime feedings again (Chris had been giving her a bottle so I could sleep). The nail in the coffin for my supply though was AGU. It was such a busy meeting, finding time to pump was very hard. So Chris and I agreed to start giving Emmaline formula a few times a day. Ever since then, she’s had a mixture of milk and formula, and doesn’t seem to mind switching back and forth. Now that she is eating some real food, it’s a good time to switch to full formula.

I’ve managed to schlep my pump and breast milk to Palo Alto, San Francisco, Fort Lauderdale, and Atlanta. I’ve pumped on mini-vacations to Steamboat, Winter Park, and Breckenridge. I pumped mid-way through a hike with Chris, at about 10,000 feet in 35 degree weather with snow flurries falling. I’ve pumped at trailheads before and after mountain bike rides (and considered using my own milk after bonking only halfway through a 15 mile ride). I’ve been “busted” by mall security when I stopped to pump on the way to Breckenridge (apparently those big, empty parking lots have pretty high-res security cameras!). All in all, it’s been pretty entertaining. I think I will miss feeding her but am ready to move on to a new phase in our lives together.

Goodbye two thousand and eleven

It's a new year! 2011 was very different from previous years, like 2009 and 2010. Obviously the highlight of the year was Emmaline's birth. But what were some other highlights of 2011? ...

January: I went snowshoeing a couple of times. I love snowshoeing - the quiet of the mountains, the crunch of the snow underfoot, the gradual warming up as you exert yourself (even if it's cold outside), the delight of a warm thermos of tea, and knowing that you are in a wilderness that in many ways seems more true to itself than the hot and fair days of summer, and yet is also a little sleepy.

February: We started on our kitchen remodel. It took a lot of work, mostly on Chris' part. But now almost a year later, we are so happy with the finished product!

kitchen before

kitchen after (a little messy, but better!)

March: I celebrated my 31st birthday while at a meeting in Boulder. I stayed with my friends Michelle and Leigh, and I had the best burger ever (4 words: blue cheese, onion rings). I ran a 5K with my other preggo friend, Mollie, in 32:30, and then gave up running for the rest of the pregnancy!

April: Chris and I went on our "babymoon" to Colorado National Monument. I hiked, he trail ran, we rode our bikes 1 mile in a torrential downpour, we sat in the tent a lot, and ate a lot of chinese food. Also, Chris ran in his first half marathon. I got vengeance for all the post-race pictures he's taken of me, and he figured out just how not in the mood you are for photos after running 13 miles as fast as you can.

May: We started to get more excited about the baby after taking a birthing class!

June: One of my favorite outings was to Rocky Mountain National Park with our friend Nick. We drove up to an overlook at 10,000 ft. on Trail Ridge Rd and set up some easels. Many people were curious about our artwork, but were very confused when they looked over our shoulders and saw us painting tropical scenery in a paint-by-numbers. It was pretty funny, and a beautiful day in the mountains :)

July: Our lives were changed forever on July 5!

August: I will always remember our first family vacation to Steamboat Springs. It felt like paradise - a perfect mesh of our old (bikes) and new (Emmaline!) loves.

September: Chris did a solo backpacking trip in the southern Rawah Mountains.

October: My mom came to visit and we did a "zombie crawl" - dressed like the living dead, we went from bar to bar in Old Town and tried to revive ourselves with some spirits. It was a pretty silly night, and the only time you could just start moaning while walking down College, and hoards of people would join in. We also each had a chance to enjoy the fall colors - I went to Breckenridge with Mollie and Cindy of a weekend, and Chris went up to Rocky Mountain for a day.

November: We celebrated our first Thanksgiving with the newly expanding Harper/Biagi family. My brother, his wife, and their 14 month old daughter were in town for a week, and we had a great time. There was lots to be thankful for!

December: I returned to the running scene and ran a 5K in San Francisco in 27:00. It feels good to be active again! And, finally, after 6-1/2 years of work, I finished my PhD! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm done - it feels strange. My mom and stepdad came out to help us celebrate, and since then Chris and I have been pretty lazy! Just enjoying each other's company and time with Emmaline.

I hope your year was full of fun and blessings, too! And may 2012 be even better!

San Francisco - Part 1

It's Tuesday December 6, and we have so far survived 2+ days in San Francisco with a baby. The flight went pretty well. Emmaline got sleepy about halfway through but was too interested in everything going on around her to fall asleep for about 30 minutes. In the mean time, she was not happy, and Chris and I took turns holding and rocking her. It felt like a flashback to her first 2 months of life, when she was much fussier and had a hard time falling asleep. In fact, that's kind of a synopsis of how she's been this whole trip. She is mostly happy but when she gets tired it's a challenge since we're often out and about.

Monday morning I didn't have any talks to go to right away, so I went for a run while Chris scouted out a good place for coffee. I had a nice run, with a half mile on a street so steep the sidewalk had stairs! I am not in shape for that kind of gradient, but the view at the top was worth it - the bay, Alcatraz, the Bay Bridge, and a beautiful crystal clear morning! I met Chris and Emmaline at the Blue Bottle coffee shop - they roast their own coffee and have 'siphons' for brewing it. It looked like an alchemy lab. We just got drip coffee, but it is brewed to order and was really delicious.

After I went to the meeting, Chris took Emmaline on an adventure across the Golden Gate Bridge! He said it was really windy and she slept most of the way. Today they went to Fisherman's Wharf, so she is getting to see all the sites! She has progressed a lot in the last 2 weeks. She is super grabby - she will reach for anything within 1-2 feet of her (watches, nalgenes, coffee cups, menus, airplane tray tables, etc). It is amazing that now when she wants something, she just picks it up (and puts it right in her mouth). Also yesterday, she was on her tummy and pushed up to her hands and knees! She is so active! But so cute too - she makes the cutest noises :)

The meeting is going well for me. I've been to some interesting talks (& some not so interesting), and have made some good contacts during the poster sessions. I'm trying to focus on meeting people and networking! I have a few leads, we'll see where things go. I think the name badges for people like me should say something like "Looking for a job" instead of "Member". Tomorrow and Thursday there will be even more sessions relevant to the Amazon and drought, which are my current interests, so I'm looking forward to that. I've also had some failures - like when I spilled coffee all over my bag and then put the bag on, therefore getting coffee all over my white jacket. Or when I sat in a session for 10 minutes before realizing I was in the wrong room. Or when I went into the "mother's room" to pump and was in and out before the two women already in there were done, giving me mammary envy. I often feel like I am equally on the cusp of having it together and completely falling apart.

Anyway, I need to get to work on my defense - I am defending on the 19th!! Yikes. Chris is out with some friends, and I'm watching Emmaline (which is pretty easy since it's past her bed time!). I feel very fortunate to have such great friends, who my husband also gets along with! :)

4 months!!

I'm processing some results and was reminded by a friend of mine that I haven't posted pictures of the Cute One lately. Although she is about to wake up, so I might not get much up, but here are a few gems from the past month:4 month picture

She is getting really good at holding her head up, and also enjoys checking out the baby in the mirror from time to time.

Lately Chris has taken to giving our daughter a fauhawk.

The purpose of life at 4 months is to put everything possible in your mouth. This ball can be a little perplexing though - how do you fit something big and round in your mouth??Nora is still safe around Emmaline but I don't think this will last much longer!


This is Emmaline's "talking" face.

Update from the lazy blogger

I realized today it's been almost a month since my last post!! Wow. We are doing great. Chris worked almost every day last week, so it was a struggle to stay on top of life, but I think we are managing (barely). Emmaline is great - she now is wearing 3-6 month clothing because she is so tall! She is "talking" a lot, and it's really fun to go back and forth with her making all sorts of funny noises. She is also able to hold her head up very well, and sometimes we put her in her bumpo seat. She tolerates it for about a minute but then begins to slouch. But Chris and I are still impressed she is able to sit in it at all (only 3 months old seems early to me).

I almost have a draft of a paper done, which might sound impressive until I mention this is the third draft of this paper I've written this year, and I haven't even submitted the darned thing yet. I've also been applying for a couple of jobs - one in Hamburg, Germany, and one in Pasadena, Cal. Thinking about getting a job and leaving Fort Collins, and finishing my degree, and traveling to conferences, all in the next ~6 months makes my head want to explode. So I'm trying to just take it one day at a time and stay focused.

My mom is coming to town Wednesday and it will be great to have her. I know she's looking forward to seeing Emmaline (she has grown a lot since her last visit when she was ~1 week old!), and I'm looking forward to the help around the house and a little extra time to get some work done. Also, tomorrow is Chris and my 8 YEAR wedding anniversary, and so we'll be able to celebrate this weekend with free babysitting :).

We've had some fun lately, too. I'm really enjoying being able to play softball and kickball again (you heard right, I'm in an adult kickball league!). The weather has been unusually warm so we haven't had a freezing cold game yet, which I think is a first in the 6 years I've played fall softball in Ft. Collins! Our last games are this week and I will miss playing. Especially since this is probably our last softball season in the Fort :(. Well, I'll end with some more pictures ...

My friend Jennifer got married at the end of September at Red Rocks State Park. It was a gorgeous day for an outdoor wedding. The ceremony was equally beautiful. They had written their own vows and signed them to one another, while some interpreters said them, and they were very personal, loving, and sincere. I loved how they were able to use body language in professing the vows since they were signing, it seemed even more meaningful than if they had spoken them. Anyway, here are some pics from the day:

Chris has a fancy new lens, so we have been taking even more pictures of Emmaline. While I was away on a girls' weekend in early October, Chris took these pictures:

The juggling act

Mommy's sunshine!

My life has taken on a bit of a personality disorder. On one hand, I enjoy what I do and the people I work with, so I was somewhat looking forward to getting back to work. I'm making some progress again on my dissertation, after a couple of weeks slow-down due to idiotic supercomputers and buggy code.

On the other hand, I love being with Emmaline. Plus, Chris' schedule has forced me to be home a few days the past couple of weeks (last week because of a hike, and this week because he is working). Also our daycare person has previous commitments to watch another infant for a few weeks, so she can only watch Emmaline for half a day Tuesday and Thursday. It is challenging to find time to get work done in between watching her and keeping the house somewhat orderly. Yesterday I got up at 7:00 but didn't get a chance to work until about 5:00, and ended up staying up until midnight doing some work. Yuck.

Even when I'm at work, I can only do so much because every 3 hours or so I take 20-30 minutes to pump. This has been my least favorite part of motherhood! I don't mind feeding her myself. It's usually fairly relaxing - I often either watch TV while she eats or just stare at her and wonder at how awesome she is. But pumping at work sucks (haha). It's boring and an intrusion on whatever progress I might happen to be making. Also it's awkward to have to stop talking science with someone because I'm getting painfully full. My goal is to nurse for 6 months and I know this work/pumping balance will be the hardest part. On the bright side - I'm almost halfway to my goal and physically there haven't been any huge issues.

But staying home with Emmaline can be a lot of fun. I enjoy hanging out with her on the floor - looking at her colorful toys, listening to her make funny noises, singing Frank Sinatra to her, reading books, & watching her work her muscles during tummy time. I think she likes baths now and those are fun, too. She especially enjoys being wrapped in a towel after her bath. I've been able to see some friends, too. Last week, Kim and Cedar came over for a little bit. And yesterday, my friend Mollie and I went on a walk (she had her daughter Charley last Sunday - I can't believe she was able to walk for 1.5 hours with me!!).

A couple of weeks ago I had a realization. I've been coming home during lunch on the days I work. It's nice to feed her myself and to see Chris in the middle of the day. One day, she fell asleep in my arms after she ate, and I just sat there for a while with her. I tried to make a mental image of the moment so I can remember the feeling and look of her at this time in her life. I have some other happy places I have mentally stockpiled - the Lizard Head trail in the Wind River Range, the Needles district of Canyonlands, the vistas and small villages we visited in the Alps, and the Flattop Mountains. But now I have a totally different kind of happy place :).

I'll have a few more days to work on this juggling act because Chris has some more work to do. That is definitely a blessing. I just hope it doesn't postpone my defense date by too much!!

Sometimes when I come home I tell Emmaline what I've been working on. She doesn't even pretend to care:

Tummy time!