The juggling act

Mommy's sunshine!

My life has taken on a bit of a personality disorder. On one hand, I enjoy what I do and the people I work with, so I was somewhat looking forward to getting back to work. I'm making some progress again on my dissertation, after a couple of weeks slow-down due to idiotic supercomputers and buggy code.

On the other hand, I love being with Emmaline. Plus, Chris' schedule has forced me to be home a few days the past couple of weeks (last week because of a hike, and this week because he is working). Also our daycare person has previous commitments to watch another infant for a few weeks, so she can only watch Emmaline for half a day Tuesday and Thursday. It is challenging to find time to get work done in between watching her and keeping the house somewhat orderly. Yesterday I got up at 7:00 but didn't get a chance to work until about 5:00, and ended up staying up until midnight doing some work. Yuck.

Even when I'm at work, I can only do so much because every 3 hours or so I take 20-30 minutes to pump. This has been my least favorite part of motherhood! I don't mind feeding her myself. It's usually fairly relaxing - I often either watch TV while she eats or just stare at her and wonder at how awesome she is. But pumping at work sucks (haha). It's boring and an intrusion on whatever progress I might happen to be making. Also it's awkward to have to stop talking science with someone because I'm getting painfully full. My goal is to nurse for 6 months and I know this work/pumping balance will be the hardest part. On the bright side - I'm almost halfway to my goal and physically there haven't been any huge issues.

But staying home with Emmaline can be a lot of fun. I enjoy hanging out with her on the floor - looking at her colorful toys, listening to her make funny noises, singing Frank Sinatra to her, reading books, & watching her work her muscles during tummy time. I think she likes baths now and those are fun, too. She especially enjoys being wrapped in a towel after her bath. I've been able to see some friends, too. Last week, Kim and Cedar came over for a little bit. And yesterday, my friend Mollie and I went on a walk (she had her daughter Charley last Sunday - I can't believe she was able to walk for 1.5 hours with me!!).

A couple of weeks ago I had a realization. I've been coming home during lunch on the days I work. It's nice to feed her myself and to see Chris in the middle of the day. One day, she fell asleep in my arms after she ate, and I just sat there for a while with her. I tried to make a mental image of the moment so I can remember the feeling and look of her at this time in her life. I have some other happy places I have mentally stockpiled - the Lizard Head trail in the Wind River Range, the Needles district of Canyonlands, the vistas and small villages we visited in the Alps, and the Flattop Mountains. But now I have a totally different kind of happy place :).

I'll have a few more days to work on this juggling act because Chris has some more work to do. That is definitely a blessing. I just hope it doesn't postpone my defense date by too much!!

Sometimes when I come home I tell Emmaline what I've been working on. She doesn't even pretend to care:

Tummy time!